i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
