things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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