So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
