So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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