Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
