She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
