im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You can't motorboat a personality
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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