dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
