She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
