im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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