I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
