today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
