How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
