I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
