I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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