Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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