so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
