This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
