It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
