The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
