If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
