Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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