Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize