Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
