Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
