I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
