We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar