Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls