You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every concussion has its silver lining
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!