Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
