I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
