If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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