im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
