pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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