The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
