you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
