I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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