I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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