I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
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just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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