you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
