I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
