dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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