phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
