do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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