the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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