Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
