her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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