i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
