I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
