I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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