Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
