i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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