On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
