hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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