i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
