Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
