funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
