sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
