I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
nutella sex= disaster
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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