Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my sisters under your porch take her home
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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