fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my phone needs a breathalizer
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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