MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want her autograph on my taint
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
