my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
