i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
