Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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