Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
