Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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