shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
