Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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