it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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