did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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