Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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