I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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