Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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