Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
