I think I won the penis lottery.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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