you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
