So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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