boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
