My Higher Power is John Stamos
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
