I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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