you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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