so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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