i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
