this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
be right there i have to get my cape
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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